My name is Callum Maguire, and I am a senior majoring in Mechanical Engineering. The coolest class I took last semester was AC Systems, which explored how air conditioning systems work and how they cool down rooms. Get it? Coolest class? Jokes aside, it was a very interesting course that opened my eyes to how complex a system the air conditioning in a building is, as even a single room can be a lot to deal with as far as calculations go. I was raised on Star Wars and Tolkien, so they happen to be some of my favorite works, however I'm also very fond of superhero movies, sitcoms like Community and IT Crowd, as well as sci-fi and fantasy novels. Long story short, I'm a nerd. Best movie I've seen recently is The Last Jedi, which is something of a controversial opinion I guess, but I don't care. I enjoyed it, and that's all there is to it. I recently re-read one of my childhood favorite novels, Redwall, which was a nice trip down memory lane. It was clear that it wasn...
Hey Callum, I think this is a really interesting idea for a storybook! I really like the layout of the page as well. I thinking trying to tying the tragedies of the world wars with the Indian epics will create a very entertaining yet somber story. I think using the weapons of the epics will really show the power they have associated with them from their respective stories. One thing that might add to this storybook would be an emotional style incorporated into the stories. For instance, in the introduction instead of giving just exposition and describing the story you could set up the world you created by showing a character in your world, maybe the areologists. However, I do like how you added the context of the world wars into the introduction. Maybe you could find another way to tie emotion into that exposition. The idea is so unique, I have no doubt your storybook will be captivating. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHi Cal. I'm excited to read your storybook when it gets underway. I'm only sad there are no stories yet! I think this introduction is super neat and sets you up nicely for the tales to come. I'm not sure what amount of world building you are going to establish in your stories; if you are planning on going in depth into the changes in the world, you may want to add some of those details here to save you space in your stories. If you don't want to spoil anything, then keep the introduction the way it is. I saw a couple typos and weird wordings that I think could be cleaned up- here are some of the ones I saw
ReplyDeleteBut what if instead of these atomic weapons, the world and searched out the true weapons of the gods?
It will follow an archaeologist searching for relics in India, to an Occult Nazi leader,
(I think this will flow better without the "to" before "an"
This world's Cold War does not last, and their Third
No where is safe - nowhere is actually one word
They who lost the war still fight on - I don't know if using "They who" is incorrect, but I think "Those who" would flow better
Ahoy Callum! These seems like such an awesome idea. It reminds me a lot of Indiana Jones with the Nazi’s racing to find powerful artifacts. The introduction does a great job of hyping up the stories. One thing about the introduction that I don’t like is that doesn’t do a good job of setting the mood. Is it going to be a dark and gritty tale, or is it going to be a bit more lighthearted and adventurous like Indiana Jones? To be honest, I would be incredibly happy with both, but I don’t get much of a hint in that direction from the introduction. Another thing I would like to point out is that it is a little bit confusing on which time you are going to set the stories in. I know you mention that the “final time perod” you will write in is after the third world war, but does that mean that you will also feature stories from earlier in the timeline? Your introduction doesn’t make that very clear. That’s kind of a nitpick though and I’m sure it will be explained later on. Looks great so far!
ReplyDeleteHi Callum!
ReplyDeleteThis is a fantastic launch point for a story collection! I am eager to see what characters emerge on either side of the great wars, and if there is a clear and defined "good" vs. "bad" side which dominates. I am also excited to see what kinds of ancient weapons will be uncovered by modern scientists, and how they can be functionally deployed in the world today.
I'm really that hoping you will include just a little about Robert Oppenheimer's fascination with the weapons of the Mahabharata and the Bhagava Gita in your first story ("I am become death, destroyer of worlds,"). I am picking up a strong Indiana Jones vibe from your introduction, which I enjoyed!!
Your site functionality is great. I had no issue with navigation, and the formatting is clear and readable. If anything, I find myself wanting more context for the image you have provided, "Aftermath of the Wars." I am also glad that you plan to include perspectives from both sides of these wars; sometimes the best stories come from the side of the bad guys.
Great work!
Hey, Callum! This is such a cool way to do all of your writing assignments! I like that in your introduction you gave us all a detailed backstory and you told and described how you would continue the writing. Your detailed introduction really helped me to understand what and how you would be writing and now I feel l like when I am able to read your stories I will understand them so well.
ReplyDeleteSo, how did you come up with this idea? Are you really into this kind of writing, or are you just now trying it out? Either way it sounds so interesting. The futuristic part really reminds me of the Hunger Games and how they are set in the future and all of their gadets are very advanced compared to what we have now.
I am so excited to read some of your stories and see how you use this writing style!
Hey Callum,
ReplyDeleteI really like your idea of searching for true weapon's of gods. I like that you are going with the Nazi/Occult thing. I can definitely see that the world would nearly destroy itself if we were to truly find weapon's of the gods, so I really liked the images you used as well. I look forward to reading this story some more so that I can see what kind of weapon's you bring in.
Hey Callum,
ReplyDeleteGreat start to your project so far! I really like the overall design of your website and the layout of it. The color choices and picture choices are great so far! On the contrary, I wonder if it might be easier navigation for the reader if you moved the tabs around? Just and idea though.
I'm really fascinated with how you came up with the idea of your storybook. What was your inspiration? I think the main idea of your story book has so many routes you could take. There are so many things to write about! I specifically like how you are searching for the true weapon of the gods in your project. What if you were able to actually incorporate some of the characters from the reading and tie them into your story line? I think that would make your project shine. Any way, I am looking forward to seeing your project as it moves forward! Good luck!!
Hey Callum! Your introduction is pretty strong and gives a great description of what to expect from your storybook. I am really interested to see how your duality idea is going to pan out later in the semester. Your dialogue is very well done and flows smoothly throughout the story. I am a big fan of Indiana Jones and was very pleased to see a story book that creates more adventures of his. Reading the new part pf your story, the one discontinuity that I saw was when Jim started the Nazi truck. You may want to mention that it is parked nearby earlier in the story when you talk about the guards standing watch. If you do that, it should flow a little bit better for the readers. Your use of detail is quite good, especially when you are describing the ruins themselves. It really paints a vivid picture and draws me further into the story. Awesome work!
ReplyDeleteHey Callum! To start off the design of your project is very simple and easy to navigate which is always nice. I also think that you have done a great job with choosing images for back drops as you have made them fit perfectly with the natural theme for example the temple picture for the first story is perfect. In terms of pictures you have for the introduction and the story, they are very good as well and help give a little brief image for the reader to imagine. One thing I think that you could work on is establishing a more exact mood with the introduction. I feel that you can't really expect what is exactly to come which might be the point of your introduction lacking these types of details, but I think that this would be a nice touch on it. I think that your story does a good job of this however, so I understand that you might have wanted it to be somewhat of a mystery of a mood. Overall I think that this is great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Callum! When I was reading through the intro, I really got some Indiana Jones type vibes and so I'm glad he was the main character of your first story. The premise is really interesting and has a lot of potential for development. In regards to the dialogue, it seems a bit awkward at times while well done at other times. The images and descriptions helped paint a picture of the scene the story was taking place in. The background information was set up really well, and Indy's motive for being there in the first place is established in a believable way. Anyway, I'm excited for what's to come since the Nazis noticed them making off with their truck. I'm also excited to see what they find in the Ravana worshippers' temple. I'm guessing there'll be something like a weapon that he owned? It'd definitely be pretty bad if something like that fell into the Nazis' hands.
ReplyDeleteHi Callum! I love that you are combining themes from what we have read in class this semester with Indiana Jones type themes. Your intro does a really good job introducing the themes and ideas that you are planning on taking from each source to create your own story. I always see stuff talking about the super weapons that the Nazi's were trying to develop and I have also read The Man in the High Castle, which is an alternate history novel that have the Axis powers winning WWII thanks to their superior technology. The Nazi's finding ancient Hindu weapons is an awesome way to tell an alternate version to the end of WWII. I look forward to reading more of your project!
ReplyDeleteCallum, This is an awesome idea for a story book. This is one of my favorite era's to read about in history. I took a class on cold war science which included the history of the atomic weapons. Rewriting the race for atomic superiority as a race for ancient Indian relics powerful enough to win the war is a cool concept. You captured the destruction and reckless use of atomic weapons and ICBM's in general during this time period, through the use of these ancient Indian weapons in your intro. Indiana Jones appearing in your story was cool. Very fitting considering the time period we are dealing with in your story book. I can not wait to rad how the world is reshaped by the next world war.
ReplyDeleteHey there, Callum!
ReplyDeleteI was really drawn into reading your storybook. The front page looked very nice and orderly. It was extremely easy to navigate with the sidebar on the left. Your background images were also a nice touch. The introduction was also done really well. Your intro provided a sufficient amount of background information. You also managed to make the intro very interesting and appealing to the reader. It left me wanting to read all of your stories. Your first story was actually really great. I love the fact that you included a Dr. Jones and his encounter with the Nazis. It took me back to the Indiana Jones movies. The whole idea of the world stuck in a mythical weapons arms race is truly fascinating. I think you have one of the more original ideas here. You have so many possibilities and so much room for creativity in your stories. I look forward to seeing what you write up next!
Hi Callum! Thank you for sharing your storybook with us. I really enjoy how organized and well-put every detail is on the webpage and you did a nice job making sure everything stays in order and is easy to navigate. I thought the images you used here were very relevant to the topic you have chosen to go with and I feel like you did an incredible work by making sure all the topics are intertwined. I really appreciated the imagery you used when speaking of each character, they really came to life in the story and I feel that is important when tying in the reader and keeping the plot interesting. The plot is exciting and adventurous, continuously keeping us on our toes and wanting to know "What is next?" You absolutely have so much potential in your writing and have used that potential in fullness! Thank you again for sharing with us. I look forward to reading more from you and getting tied into the stories you write! I hope you have a great week 9 and a great rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteHello Callum. I really liked the theme of your project. I really liked your introduction and am always a fan of these types of alternate timelines. My only concern is this seem really ambitious and i know it will be really hard to make it how you will like it. I thought your first story was really good. I liked the retelling of the original Indiana Jones. You did a good job of incorporating Ravana and the source material into your universe. I also liked the humor and how accurate your Dr. Jones was. I could picture a young Harrison Ford in your story. I would like to see more detail given towards the ancient weapons and why they are being searched for. Overall I thought your writing and story were strong. I think this story was the perfect beginning for your project and am looking forward to the next chapter.
ReplyDeleteHi there, Callum! I really love the pictures you incorporated throughout your project. I think that they all tie together well while introducing some scenery for your reader to grasp. In your first story, I love that you started it out with dialogue. I feel as though this really helps the reader get to know the characters from the beginning. I also think it's great that you told the story the way that you did. You introduced a mission and then explained why the mission was being taken place through that dialogue. This helps really breakdown what all is happening while still making your story very interesting throughout.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I really enjoyed your project and found it to be very unique. I have never watched Indiana Jones, but this definitely makes me want to go and watch so I can get an even better picture in my mind!
Thank you so much for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.
Hi Callum great job on your first story! I really like how you are planning on writing the stories in different decades. It will be very entertaining to read once you complete more stories from different points in history. One thing I would recommend is putting more emphasis on the importance of the mythic weapons. For example, what the weapon in Sri Lanka does exactly. Writing more about why the specific weapons are so important would add a lot more depth to the story and give a reason for why the researchers are searching so intently for the temple. I really like the plot of the story because it makes it more entertaining to read; almost as if I am watching an action movie rather than reading a storybook. Making the Nazis part of the story adds suspense because it stresses that the temple and other mythical weapons need to be found quickly. Great job on your storybook so far I look forward to reading more stories.
ReplyDeleteHi Callum! I have to say, after reading your introduction I was so caught up in thinking about all the ways you could have your concept play out in the big picture that I wasn't even considering what you might do in terms of crossovers or anything else on a story level, so I was both surprised and delighted to see Indiana Jones in your first story! You characterized him so well, and you definitely met the goal you mentioned in the author's note - my imagination had no trouble supplying a mental picture of the setting. Also, from the author's note I wasn't sure if you know this, but Nazis actually did go on archeological expeditions, and (if you want to delve more into the realm of fringe history and conspiracy theory) searched for/may have found some weapons like "Spear of Destiny" that was used to pierce Jesus's side. The Wikipedia pages for "Ahnenerbe" and "Holy Lance" have some more information about this stuff if you're interested. Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, and I'm excited to see what else you do!
ReplyDeleteHi Callum! I really enjoyed going through your storybook and seeing the ties between each story. You definitely have done an incredible job in the creative department. Each story is unique in its own way, and that shadows even into the characters, plot and setting themselves. I think you do wonderfully at creating such an imagery in the setting and in the characterization within the story that you completely minimize holes of information and plot. That's such a great writing skill, and I believe you've got it down so well! I was so impressed by the organization of this website and the simplicity gives it a nice, easy touch to navigate and read through. I'm excited to read more of your stories to come! Thank you for sharing with all of us.
ReplyDeleteCallum, your storybook project is exceptionally interesting, as it takes one of the most important details of our reading this semester and gives it significance in the modern day. One thing, that is not really a criticism, but a personal note, would be that maybe in your third story for the project, add the weapon actually being used, because that is something I would be very interested in seeing play out in modern times. The cross over with Indiana Jones was a nice touch, as was the reference to Hitler's Occult interests. A question I have is as you push towards the World War 3 you reference, will the bad guys transition to more Russian/Chinese/Other superpower, or do you plan on staying with the Nazi theme, in a more Wolfenstein style universe. Your writing is very well done, it strikes the perfect balance between description and narrative, helping advance the plot while giving us all the surrounding details to create a picture on our minds. So far, a great project that I look forward to reading more of.
ReplyDeleteAhoy, Callum! Indiana Jones was one of the cornerstones of my childhood, I am happy to see you are able to do Dr. Jones justice! I thought your tie in to the first movie was tastefully done and was a nice bit of fan service. There is a typo in the title of the second story. The “L” in plot does not need to be capitalized. I really like the way you separated the dates in the second story. It kept things very organized and clear. I think you did an excellent job of setting up for the next stories by mentioning the other weapons. I like the pacing as well. I think the slightly faster pacing works well for the class content. I think if you weren’t writing this for a class, I would like the slower pacing better. It lets you really show and develop the characters. I thought you managed to capture the spirit of Indiana Jones very well here. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHey, Callum, the concept of your storybook is super cool and creative. I love Indian Jones, my favorite is "Temple of Doom," unpopular opinion, I know. Anyway, I think the concept of an arms race for mythic Indian weapons is really cool. I also really like the look of your site your pictures put the reader right in the middle of your story. Your dialogue is also very effective at keeping the reader's attention. I think the only thing I am missing is what exactly the mythic weapons the Nazis are after actually do. I think adding a scene where the sword Indy finds is actually used or an explanation of how the weapons together would give the Nazis great power would be a good way to highlight the importance of the relics. Anyway, great job characterizing Indy and setting the scene. Like you said in your author's note, my imagination had no problem envisioning the scene. Well done.
ReplyDeleteHi Callum,
ReplyDeleteI really did enjoy reading your storybook. The website was set up really nicely. I also liked how easy it was to navigate and get around to each story. I love Indian Jones so this was really fun for me to read. I like how you tied it in with Indian culture. It was cool to see that the sword belonged to the Indians. I felt like the stories flowed together very well. I enjoyed reading the stories and how they link together. You did an excellent job at describing the scene and everything that was going on around it. I enjoy action based stories and yours fit that perfectly. I think you have done a great job. I cannot wait to read more from you. We only have four short weeks left. I hope the rest of the stories go well and good luck with the semester.
Hey Cal. I haven't stopped by your storybook in a while! I'm digging the Indiana Jones theme, though it definitely wasn't what I was expecting. I think you do a surprisingly good job capturing what Indiana would be saying; it seems right out of a movie. The good news is that as most people have seen the movies, so they know exactly what to imagine for Indy, but I had a lot of trouble imagining the other characters - some added descriptions might help. I'm assuming your first scene in the second story, the conversation with the general, is in regards to the Lost Ark from the movie, but I think you should make it a little clearer; I wouldn't have known if I hadn't googled the movie to find out when it took place.
ReplyDeleteNice to meet you Callum!
ReplyDeleteI just got done reading your story "Somewhere outside Trincomalee...", which I must say has been one of my favorite reads of the entire course. I love Indiana Jones and can not wait for them to remake the movies! Although the most recent one was a little underwhelming and had a weird ending I could get down with another one. So this story was fun to read as I was able to get down a little bit. I have not read your next story, but I am very interested in how you intend to incoorperate the Ramayana into this set up world you have created. Maybe Indiana is Rama and his assistant is his brother, or maybe Sita, cause she gets captured and Rama has to save her. This is cool. Or betetr yet hitler is Ravana!! That would be incredible ha ha ha ha !!!
Hey Callum,
ReplyDeleteCame back to check out how your stories are for my free choice this Thursday. I really enjoy the Indiana Jones theme and I do not want to sound nit picky but....I couldn't if I wanted to haha. I really enjoyed reading through all three of your stories and I could really see the inspiration from the movies from more than just the title. I really enjoyed reading the dialogue and the emotions from the characters. Sadly the semester is almost over and I want to experience as many of the stories as I can so I probably will not be able to come back again for the final installment if there is another but I loved reading all of them. Best of luck these last few weeks.
Hey Callum! To start, I really enjoyed reading your storybook. I just have a few comments on your layout. As you know, the layout is very important because that is the first impression readers have of your blog. I thought that it was hard to navigate because the sidebar was not clear on the main page. Also, I noticed that you decided to stick with stock images of stars, is there a reason that you did not want to pick your own image to fit the stories better? As for the actual content of the stories, I really enjoyed what I read. They were very clear and easy to understand. Good luck with your writing! I also enjoyed your writing style. Since you have four sections completed, I would assume that you are pretty much done with the assignment. I thought that you should maybe go back a few read your stories to see if there is anything that you feel that needs to be added.
ReplyDeleteHey Cal! I just read your newest story, Crusade on the Mountain. I thought you did an excellent job with your descriptions in this story; I could really imagine the inside of the temple. As usual, you really captured the wording and mannerisms of Indy. I don’t know if you were nearing your word limit, but there were a few moments I thought could have used some more description in the story, namely the event of Jim throwing his professor over a large gorge; if you have the word count, I think those would be some cool places to really show off this weapon’s power. I saw a couple typos and grammar things;
ReplyDeleteJim called forward, thought Indy wasn't - should be though, not thought
Indy noticed that he had collapsed – this sounds like Indy noticed that he himself was collapsing
When Jim awoke, he found himself on a bed made of stone. – here, you say that Jim awoke on a bed, but he didn’t check under the bed. Jim needs to check under the bed.
Hey Cal! Another great story. I like that you are still keeping with the Indiana Jones theme. You are pretty good at it. I agree that Indy would not have used the mace. That would have been out of character. I do think Jim dying from using it is a bit out of line with the movies. Typically, it’s a bad guy that dies from using an ancient weapon. While agree with you that Jim dying from using the made for a more powerful moment, I think that it would have made more sense to have a Nazi get to it and die from using it. I found a type in the second sentence. You used “thought” instead of “though”. Additionally, you should add a banner to the second story. The other first and second of your stories have really cool banners, but the second story doesn’t. I find the banners really help to setup the stories and not having one robs that extra bit of exposition from the experience.
ReplyDeleteNice to meet you Cal!
ReplyDeleteI just got done looking throuigh your storybook page! The idea you decided to base your storybook off of is super cool Cal. I like how you created a plot to follow similar to that of Indiana Jones. This is especially cool considering the entire idea could be an actual Indiana Jones movie as he does go look for ancient artifacts. The idea to show both sides fo the conflict is a good idea as this will prevent any bias within the story. I believe I have already read your first story, which is more of an introduction into your story book's world and the main characters within it. I just finished up reading your story "Sword of Doom" and I realize where you are going with your story now. It is a really cool idea to bring about ancient indian weapons such as the sword of khali into real world history.
Hello, nice to be back here again Cal!
ReplyDeleteI read through your story book last week and wanted to come back to read more of your stories with in it. I very much enjoy the new look of your site, it is a lot smoother and is easy to navigate through. I read your last your story that you added. I honestly read through the entire thing without wanted to stop. This was a perfect ending to your story. Having the world reset entirely using one of the ancient weapons, and by the hands of Indy as well. Then after you had the already destroyed world reset, to have Indy's body discovered and have a "new" Indy be born was cool to see, as this could be a continuation of your story. I wonder if the new world is going to end with the same fate as the old one?
Hi Cal! I wasn't sure if I'd have a chance or a need to come back to your storybook this semester, especially since I'm in Myth-Folklore and not Indian Epics, but I'm glad that I did! I think the new layout works really well, and it made the stories flow a bit smoother. Your writing style, and especially your use of dialogue, is really natural and easy to read. Dialogue is something I struggle with in my own writing, so it's nice to have examples like this to learn from. I also love how intentional you are in making sure the pacing of your stories works. The first two are a little slow, but I think they almost need to be for expository purposes given the limits on story length. Overall, I think you've done a fantastic job with this project, especially with the ending! Thanks for a great read, and I hope your finals go well!
ReplyDelete