Bhishma at the Swayamvara
Source. Myths of the Hindus and Buddhists by Sister Nivedita (1914)
I think it would be interesting to spin this story in a different direction. Rather than have Bhishma claiming the three princesses for himself, have him fight to be able to release them from the burdens of forced marriage. He could claim his intent to deliver them to a land far away that will value them not as a prize to be won but as real people.
I want to put a little more focus into the dialog, as there really isn't any in the original story, and I think having a little bickering back and forth between Bhishma and the others that are trying to claim the princesses would do wonders for the pacing of the story.
I also might try to spice up the flow of the combat a little, as far as the usual descriptions of battles go, this one is pretty good, but I think it could be quite a bit better. I think it would be interesting to have him start by firing upon his enemies with the bow as they come closer, only to switch to a sword for close combat, until no one but the father of the brides remains to face him. Furious with Bhishma at this departure from "tradition" he will try to win his own daughters in order to simply pass them off to other princes who will operate in the traditional way. Bhishma defeats the King, leaving him wounded but not killed, just as he did all the others, and bids the princesses to join him as they journey to freedom.
The whole concept of Bhishma winning the daughters is kind of weird, so I think this twist on the tale makes it a lot less selfish, and creates a more interesting conflict and motivation for Bhishma.
Bhishma Stands to Free the Princesses (Source: pxhere)
Hey again Callum. I think your idea is awesome. That sounds like a much better way for this story to unfold. I have not been enjoying the way the story in the Mahabharata reads, but this would make it much better. That battle scene sounds like you already have the story half written, it just need a few more details.
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