Dawn rose on the figure of Abora Sil-Doran, who stood to face the God-King, the All-Conqueror, the true evil, Ysmadir. The vile god, though bathed and exuding pale light, was still pitch black, corrupted by evil down to his core. He laughed at the mortal woman who stood before him, he who had killed and assimilated all who had dared to face him, mortal and god alike.
Abora had lived her entire life for this moment, she had spent her years searching for every artifact and tool crafted and used by a god in past for her quest. She summoned one to her hand, a large spear that she hurled towards the skies, where the Dread God Ysmadir stood calmly. Ysmadir caught the spear with ease, turning it and returning it at once with vigor to Abora. The impact tore the landscape, though when the dust cleared, Ysmadir saw the girl still standing, a shield of pale fire protecting her from the destruction he had wrought.
Ysmadir Returns the Spear of Sil-Doran (Source: Wikimedia
She drew a great hammer from thin air, and swung it at Ysmadir, and a massive wave of force carved through the skies cascading into him. Impressed at the gall of this mortal, Ysmadir came down from the heavens to do battle. As his feet touched the ground, all around him the world withered. Plants shriveled and died, as the ground turned cracked and black. He lifted a finger and let loose a volley of black arrows fired from nothing but air. The arrows streaked towards Abora, who swung her hammer to meet them. The great weapon burst asunder on contact, and Abora was forced to bring forth another weapon. Before she could, Ysmadir had already made another move. With the snap of a finger, corpses rose from the ground around the last heir to the house of Sil-Doran. As they closed in on her, she produced a golden sword, whose finished seemed to dance like flames.
She swung the blade through the undead servants of the God-King, and as the blade made contact with each of them, flames sprung forth from the blade, engulfing their bodies in blood red fire. She then turned the blade on the Dread God, and thrust the blade towards him. In an instant, the blade was buried in his stomach, thanks to a spell she had learned from the text of an ancient god. Before Ysmadir could react, Abora pulled the sword out and struck him twice more, slicing down on his body with great force, causing flames to explode across his massive frame.
With a roar, Ysmadir extinguished the flames and dealt Abora a punch that sent her flying, before crashing into a cliff at the base of the mountains. Rage overwhelmed Ysmadir's senses as he unleashed a bolt of black fire at the place Abora had landed. The cliff-face exploded in black flames, and the ground shook. Ysmadir strode towards the rubble, to look upon the broken body of this woman who had dared to injure him. He blew the smoke away, and found no trace of her, and knew in an instant his mistake. Far from above, a hail of celestial arrows cascaded upon him. Abora had launched herself into the sky, and fired from a bow carved from the bones of the first god. Her arrows were made of pure, holy light, and burned the flesh the instant they touched Ysmadir.
The arrows broke the landscape apart, shattering the earth, and cracking the surrounding mountains. She fell back to the ground, battered but alive, and looked upon the broken body of Ysmadir. The many arrows she had loosed upon him embedded him to the ground. Before she could relish in her victory, the Dread-God's body twitched, and pulled himself from the ground and the arrows from his body. He rose again, in defiance of death, with a smile on his face. This mortal woman, would give him a true fight, one he had not had in an unfathomable time. For the first time in millennia, Ysmadir was fighting a battle that he might not win, which excited him greatly.
So Abora Sil-Doran and Ysmadir engaged in battle once more, and the world cowered in fear of their power, and in anticipation. For the winner would decide the course of history...
Bibliography - "Battle of Rama and Ravana" from Myths of the Hindus and Buddhists by Sister Nivedita (1914).
Author's Note:
In the original version of this tale, Rama simply takes on Ravana with the celestial weapons he has collected. They do battle and Rama is able to deal a lot of damage to Ravana, but he simply heals past whatever he takes. In the end, Ravana loses several of his heads, making it look like Rama has won, but then his heads grow back.
I made several distinct changes to the story while keeping much of the plot the same. I changed up Ravana to be a god who had defeated and absorbed the power of the other gods, just to switch things up. I also made Rama into a mortal woman, both to switch the gender around but also to make the battle more intense. Rather than an avatar of a god wielding weapons given to him by others, you have a mortal woman using weapons she has found and collected by herself.
Hey Cal! I really liked this story as well. I particularly like your style when writing out the combat. It flows incredibly smoothly. I liked your take on the characters. It made the story feel much more epic. I would have liked a bit more introduction to the mortal women. For instance, why was she on this quest. Why was she the one who had to take on this monster. I’d like to know more about this character and why they are doing what they are doing. Some dialogue could potentially help with that, though it may also mess up the pacing and the flow of the story. Some considerations to be made. You are really good at picking names for characters. Their names definitely feel like they fit what kind of character they are. I think you did a great job of portraying an attitude of arrogance from Ysmadir. Overall, great story!
ReplyDeleteHey Callum, this is a pretty intense story. I dig the way it jumps straight into the action, with just enough backstory to start the fight. You grab just enough setting descriptions to paint an epic scene for the reader, and then you follow it up with some quick action and mighty blows. I was wondering why you had not included dialogue, but I have come to the conclusion that too much would ruin the story you have set up and would slow the pace too much. Maybe a single word here or there could add a little more depth to the characters. That being said, they don’t really need more depth, and I think some spinoff stories of Abora questing for the weapons and leading up to this battle would be pretty interesting to read. I liked how you set everything up and brought in more of the weapons Rama had been bestowed with.
ReplyDeleteCallum, I really enjoyed reading this story. It was well-written and full of action. When you mentioned how the woman fought with a hammer, I automatically thought of Thor. Even though he was a god, Abora, reminded me of a female version of him. While reading the story, it was easy to pick up that the story was based on the battle between Rama and Ravana. I also like how you portrayed Abora as a strong female who fights back instead of running away. I like how the beginning of the story is formatted too, it was creative and I never thought about doing that. Some dialogue would be nice every now and then just so it's easy to understand what is going on and why they are fighting but other than the story is pretty good. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHello Callum!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved your story! I especially enjoyed the gender switch for Rama. I found the Ramayana to be a little masculine, a man saving the powerless damsel in distress. I also like how you made Rama mortal instead of just bringing him back to life multiple times. The ending was really intense, I love how it was kind of a cliff hanger. I would lvoe to read more of your stories.