Long ago, in the land of Midor, there lived a humble man by the name of Shakiro. He was a simple man, and he led a simple life. One day, when Shakiro was wandering about the forest, searching for food, he encountered a a creature that had become trapped by some kind of strange apparatus.
When he approached the odd creature, he was surprised to hear the creature speak to him!
"Hello there, human. I was trapped here, unable to escape my bindings without assistance from a human... I don't imagine you'd be willing to help, so just run away now like the rest of your kind."
This perplexed Shakiro, as he couldn't figure out why the creature would just assume he wouldn't help out. If Shakiro was anything, he was generous! He looked the creature up and down and decided he seemed harmless enough.
"I will not run away!" Exclaimed Shakiro, "I'm going to free you, my friend."
He took care to break the chains that held the creature in place, and when he was at last free, he spoke to Shakiro once more.
"You are a strange human, to have freed a demon such as myself. My name in your tongue is Hongpassledorf, and I dare not speak my own tongue in the presence of your ears. You have my thanks"
Shakiro responded to Hongpassledorf, "Do not mention it, Haglespord! My name is Shakiro. I am currently hunting for food, would you like to share in the food I find?"
Hongpassledorf chuckled, "You need not share your spoils with me. In fact, I shall reward you for your generosity. I am trained in mystic arts, and I will use them to build you a magnificent palace, the likes of which this world has never seen!"
Shakiro took Hongpassledorf to where his current, humble abode was, and the demon used his magic to transform it into an incredible mansion. It engulfed the nearby hills, and dug winding passages into the mountain. It was adorned with beautiful jewels that glowed with impossible colors.
The Great Palace of Shakiro (Source: flickr.com)
After touring his new mansion, Shakiro said to the demon, "Hugleplasof, you know this is really too kind of you. Thank you very much for this gift. But I did not see a room for you, where will you stay?"
The demon looked perplexed, "What do you mean, where will I stay?"
"All of my friends are welcome, Hongplsdork, and seeing how you are my only friend, I was hoping you would stay..."
A great sense of sadness welled up inside, Hongpassledorf, and he made the decision then and there that the great mansion he had gifted the human was not the gift he truly deserved.
"You know what, Shakiro, I think I will make a room here. I have grown quite tired of pillaging the local villages and attempting to destroy your world. If you'll have me, we can live here in peace and harmony with this world."
And as the demon smiled, and went about making himself at home, only one thought went through Shakiro's mind, "Wait... what did he say about destroying the world??"
Original Story: Maya's Palace
Source: The Mahabharata, A Summary by John Mandeville Macfie (1921)
Author's Note: In the original tale, Maya, the architect of demons, was so thankful to Arjuna for saving his life during a fire that he promised to build a magnificent palace for Arjuna and his brothers. When the palace was complete, it was so lavish and beautiful that it was compared to those of the gods themselves.
I took this story, and changed it up a little bit, taking the somewhat silly concept of an architect for demons deciding to build someone a house as a gift of thanks and making it even sillier. I replaced Arjuna with a simple-minded but well-meaning man named Shakiro, and replaced Maya with just a run of the mill demon named Hongpassledorf. I wanted to use more dialogue than the original story, so I included conversations between the demon and the human, and eventually had the human turn the heart of the demon using kindness, only in the end to have Shakiro finally (maybe) realize how scary the demon was.
I can definitely tell you've read a bit of Tolkien! I was honestly caught of guard by how nice Shakiro is. I was expecting him to be a more blunt kind of guy for some reason. Toward the end of the story, I found myself also feeling sorry for him, especially when he told Hongpassledorf (great name) that he was his only friend. I'm glad that you turned this story into a happy one, and also loved the humor at the end.
ReplyDeleteCallum, I can definitely see how strong your creativity and imagination is after reading this story! Your dialogue was outstanding - some of the best I have seen in the entire class! I like that you maintained the tone of your story in your language throughout. Many people have gotten too relaxed in their stories when they try to make them "more understandable", but you proved that you can maintain a clear story while using complex language! Great job.
ReplyDeleteHey Callum, This story is so creative. I really like how you use dialogue with in the story. I think dialogue can be so powerful and i try to incorporate it into as many of my stories as I can. I also really like the picture that you chose to use in your story. I think it is important to have picture that show what certain things look like in stories. Especially fiction stories. I think readers like having an actual image to look at. Great Job!!
ReplyDeleteHello again Callum!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really fun story! The whole time I was very suspicious of Hongpassledorf, but I still liked him. The way you ended the story with him being redeemed and Shakiro getting confused was really funny. You made the right choice to add dialogue where you did and I love Shakiro's kindness and bravery. Great job with your story!
Hey Cal! Hilarious story. The demon’s name was fantastic. Is it meant to be a mix of Hasselhoff and Ganondorf? What was even better was how the main character continually mispronounced it in different ways. I would to point out a typo. In the first paragraph you have two “a’s” right next to each other. Great story again this week!
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